Tired...

Very tired today... Didn't sleep well last night... And also I did alot of things last night too... I bath my two dogs (Angel and Bubu) and spikey too... Wash Spikey's cage... Sweep my room and also mop my room... At last, my room is clean again...

As I looked at spikey closely, I notice to see that HE GOT MITES ON HIS BODY!!! I'm like: "oh shit, why this have to come?" My room is clean and it's hard to have mites in here... May be he got it before he was brought back to my house... It's just too surprise to see it... So I bath the little fella... He was enjoying his bath as it's in warm water which could ease his itch... Kinda happy to see him not that grumpy... Actually wanted to bath him very very very long ago... But spikey's mother don't allow it and claim that he can only bath once or twice a year... So that's the story lar... Now hopefully he's ok lar... Going to spray Frontline on Him on Saturday... Wish the mites will be gone for good... And our fei chai will be healthy again...

I also realise one thing, is that I took initiative to do anything for anyone but I did not even give 1% of my effort to spent some time with my Lord and Saviour... And I think He is now jealous that other things have taken His place in my heart... Seriously, I'm sorry for not putting God as my priority... Always have things in my mind that keep me busy and I find it very very very unhealthy... My physical body is tired so it does also effect my spiritual body as well or the other way around... I'm just too busy listening to other people and also myself... Always listening to what people have to say, whether am I going to the right path or not... Always longing for the Physical expect, and never look into the spiritual expect... I know it from the day that I make my decision to follow Christ whole heartedly, that I need to be constant in the relationship that I had with the Lord... I should not be giving excuses for not spending time with God... But I failed Him, I failed Him badly that I think I should just walk into hell which the devil is wanting me to do so... For each new day, I'm reminded not of my sins or what I did right or wrong... But more of God's Love, Grace and Mercy for me each new day... Every morning, He greeted me when I wake up... But just that I clouded with my worries and did not see Him... You know what that is so funny? I actually complain that where are you Lord, aren't You are here for me whenever I needed You? And actually He was just beside me and I failed to listen to Him or felt for Him... Things aren't like things that it was used to be... God wants me to be more and more mature in my christian walk but I didn't push myself for it... I felt so contented with what I have or what I have to give to God's people... There are so many dark secrets in my heart that I feared to tell people, it's because the way people accepting of who you are... But these dark secrets of mine, it actually help the people of the world today... On how to look at things, on how to look at the bigger picture than just looking at what you have now... On how to handle things that is not going your way... Things that have done eventhough it should not be happening, how could we face it? how can we see it? how can we help? But sad to say is that, all we can ever do is just to judge other people and condemn them... And who we are? Why does God have to put us in this situation? Is it to rebel against the leader that He put in our midst? or to rebel against the will of God? Seriously, all I can do is to pray... That's easy to say, but do I really do it... I can tell you frankly, NO...

The interest of going to church is no more there, it's more like a routine where you go to church play guitar, yam char, chit-chatting with other people and go home without receiving anything... Where does all the interest go to? It's all fall to the head of the church to evaluate this... Where does the people gone to? why they have left? why people are not serving in the church? why are the leaders tired or dried up? what is the need of these people? what is going on with the church? There are alot more factor that needed to be looked at... I know as a pastor, it's not easy to satisfy everyone's needs... But if you want to, it's all depends on the power of the Almighty God... The pastor that I admire the most is still Pastor James, He gave His best to the church... And even Aunt Judaline serve along side with Him, it's just a simple couple ministry which have grown so much... They are a role model in serving or ministering... And darn, I missed them so much... As for their children, they might not be like pastor but I do think that they are as normal as any human beings... Fall and rise up again... And imperfect like you and me... Even king david fall alot, but the most important thing is that he rely on God's strength to rise up again... Even the most godliest man you can think on earth is as imperfect as anyone of us, cause in anyway we still sin as long we are in this earth... It's not by what we do that save us from hell, but it's by the Grace of God... All of us have to learn to accept one another in any other ways(it's God's commandment to love your neighbour as yourself)... If you still want to be who you are now, thinking that you are right in all ways and think that your way is higher than anyone's way... Then how can revival be started in you... It's all require you to rely on God and think abit more... =)

Bluess...

This whole entire week is just pure boring to me... All I did was just to play games with my fellow colleagues... But of cause I still manage to check some of my college stuffs as well after the education fair on sunday(13th January 2008)... Still did not know what to do at the moment... Stuck in making my decision whether to move on with my Marketing Course(CIM) which I doubt I'll do that too... So there are other choices like Sound Engineering, Diploma in Music, Interior Design, Graphic Design and Architecture... Actually I'm still not too sure whether I should go into these or not as career opportunity is the one that I concern the most... And 1 thing struck me that if you don't put effort in doing things, how can you expect that it will succeed... Which I think it's quite true... I need to know what I'll do best... And if I start with it, I'll make sure that I'll also end with it...

And one thing now that worries me is my current job... Do I really want to make this as my career? I don't think I want... So now I'm looking for work which allows me to work part time but gain alot of income which I need... I need to finance my own education, family, music instruments, sometimes my toys, my food(most importantly) and also some saving(to get marry)... hehe... Hopefully that God will make a way for me... I'll learn to trust You even more...

Pressure!!!

Day by Day, my level of pressure keep on rising... Seriously I don't know what I want to do with my life... Still cannot decide what to study... What will make my career... How I will go on with my life... I cannot just stay contented with what I have now... I want more... I want to give my family a better home to stay... I want a car so that I can travel easier rather than depending on other people... And of cause planning to get marry... I'm left with 4 years... What can I do? A part of me worrying, a part of me lazing, a part of me just do what I can... I just feel myself being so useless, so unworthy, so worthless, scrap metal, rubbish, coward and etc, etc, etc that is bad about myself... I just wouldn't take risk for my own future... I feared that I make wrong decision in my life... Which left people lecturing me... Have to think of money which I need to fort out for my own education... Not easy though... My education, my interest in music, my interest in toys... These are the main factors that is affecting my life... Pets that I needed to take care of... There goes my money... What can I do? to have a better life... Knowing that God didn't promise me for a better life... How could I stand before the needs that needed to be fulfilled? Life just isn't easy...

How I forget You...

It's been a while... Often talk about You... But as time goes by, it slowly fades away from my mind... How I forget about You... Totally... I'm so so so unfaithful to my first love... The one who always help me in time of need... Always there for me whenever I needed... The one who comfort, teach, lead and guide me... Yet I still forget about You... Please forgive me for not doing what I suppose to do... Strengthen me, I'm seriously very weak now... Nothing seems to interest me, except worldly things... Which I try to stay away from... sign... O, Lord... Help me... SOS...

Toys make me broke...

Being a big boy, my interest is still in toys... Many toys that have gotten my attention and now I wanna obtain it... Transformers, Gundams, Saint Seiya, Voltron, Macross(a.k.a.Robotech), Spawn, Mai Hime, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, and many more...

Darn, I just missed my childhood...

These are the transformers toys that I really wanna buy... Really expensive... Optimus Prime and Ultra Magnus MP cost about RM700 each depending whether people are selling it or not... As for StarScream, Megatron and SkyWarp cost about RM300 each... Titanium Series and Classic Series cost about RM80-RM100 each... If I buy all, meaning I'll be spending more than 5k on transformers toys alone...

I'm broke... hahaha...

As for voltron, another one that I wanna get... Cost about RM500 or less...

2008!!!

New Year Begins, life still goes on... Felt nothing special, but just older... Just turn 23 less than a month ago and now i'm already 24... Time just flies by so fast... The main concern that I have is my education... Till now, I still do not know what to study, how to build my career from there... This really worry me and also my family as my future lies unknown...

*sign* Life still goes on...